I love people's Wordless Wednesday posts. And I would like to start doing it. But today when I was picking out a picture to start, the one I kept coming back to was this one. And honestly, it needs some words to explain why it sticks out to me.
I love my birth pictures. Like really love them. I will cherish looking back at those and remembering that day and that pain and that joy and those tears. It was an amazing day. The thing that is so interesting to me is that something about the way they look makes the whole experience seem so quiet and so peaceful. Maybe it's the black and white, maybe it's the fact that she somehow caught every beautiful moment and when I look, even though I was there and I experienced it, I don't see the fear and the wave of up and down that was going through me in those hours. But this picture says more.
In this moment, you can't tell, but I was screaming. Literally at the top of my lungs screaming. In this moment, I was terrified. I was thinking to myself, "do I want an epidural? Is this my breaking point? Do they even have time to get me one? Will I regret it if they do?" It was the moment that I thought in my head that I didn't think I could do it. And at the same time, it was the moment that I focused my attention, I bared everything, both figuratively and in a few minutes - literally - to just get Lux out. It was my moment of greatest weakness in the labor and then my moment of greatest strength.
It was the moment I said, "I will do this. No matter what."
As a mom, don't we continue to have these moments? The moments where we're thinking, "I can't do this, can I? Can I really keep going?" and they always must be followed immediately by the same resolve: I will do this. No matter what.
And maybe it's Wordless Wednesday, but that deserves some words.